Thank You God - Tim Minchin/The Heritage Orchestra.mp3

[00:49.649]I have an apology to make.
[00:52.160]I’m afraid I’ve made a big mistake.
[00:55.428]I turned my face away from you, Lord.
[01:01.452]I was too blind to see the light.
[01:05.213]I was too weak to feel your might.
[01:08.477]I closed my eyes; I couldn’t see the truth, Lord.
[01:14.175]But then like Saul on the Damascus road, you sent a messenger to me,
[01:22.964]And so…，
[01:26.409]Now I have had the truth revealed to me.
[01:28.919]Please forgive me all those things I said.
[01:32.932]I’ll no longer betray you, Lord.
[01:35.447]I will pray to you instead, and I will say
[01:39.647]“Thank you, thank you, thank you God.
[01:45.175]Thank you, thank you, thank you God.”
[01:52.197]Thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum.
[01:57.647]I had no idea but it’s suddenly so clear now.
[02:00.157]I feel such a cynic, how could I have been so dumb?
[02:02.669]Thank you for displaying how praying works:
[02:05.180]A particular prayer in a particular church.
[02:07.940]Thank you Sam for the chance
[02:09.698]To acknowledge this omnipotent opthamologist.
[02:14.906]Thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum.
[02:20.112]I didn’t realize that it was so simple,
[02:22.622]But you’ve shown a great example of just how it can be done.
[02:25.133]You only need to pray in a particular spot to a particular version of a particular god,
[02:30.086]And if you pull that off without a hitch, he will fix one eye of one middle-class white ****er.
[02:37.063]I know in the past my outlook has been limited.
[02:40.010]I couldn’t see examples of where life had been definitive.
[02:42.272]But I can admit it when the evidence is clear, as clear as Sam’s mum’s new cornea.
[02:47.728]That’s extremely clear!
[02:48.981]Extremely clear!
[02:50.681]Thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum.
[02:55.457]I have to admit that in the past I have been skeptical
[02:58.223]But Sam described this miracle and I am overcome!
[03:01.236]How fitting that the sighting of a sight-based intervention should open my eyes to this exciting new dimension.
[03:06.259]It’s like someone put an eye chart on the wall in front of me
[03:08.772]And the top five letters say:
[03:10.276]I C G O D.
[03:13.426]Thank you, Sam, for showing how my point of view has been so flawed.
[03:17.950]I assumed there was no God at all but now I see that’s cynical.
[03:21.094]It’s simply that his interests aren’t particularly broad.
[03:23.858]He’s largely undiverted by the starving masses,
[03:26.119]Or the inequality between the various classes.
[03:28.629]He gives out strictly limited passes,
[03:31.137]Redeemable for surgery or 2-for-1 glasses.
[03:35.651]I feel so shocking for historically mocking.
[03:38.160]Your interests are clearly confined to the ocular.
[03:41.423]I bet given the chance,
[03:41.926]You’d eschew the divine and start a little business selling contacts online.
[03:49.291]**** me Sam, what are the odds that
[03:52.052]Of history’s endless parade of gods that the God you just happened to be taught to believe in is the actual one and he digs on healing,
[04:00.095]But not the AIDS-ridden African nations,
[04:02.607]The victims of the plague or the flood-addled Asians,
[04:05.119]But healthy, privately-insured Australians with common and curable corneal degeneration?
[04:12.292]This story of Sam’s has but a single explanation:
[04:14.804]A surgical God who digs on magic operations.
[04:17.317]It couldn’t be mistaken attribution of causation,
[04:20.081]Born of a coincidental temporal correlation,
[04:22.590]Exacerbated by a general lack of education
[04:25.352]Vis-a-vis physics in Sam’s parish congregation.
[04:28.116]And it couldn’t be that all these pious people are liars.
[04:30.627]It couldn’t be an artifact of confirmation bias, a product of groupthink,
[04:34.826]A mass delusion, an Emperor’s New Clothes-style fear of exclusion.
[04:38.793]No, it’s more likely to be an all-powerful magician
[04:41.558]Than the misdiagnosis of the initial condition,
[04:44.072]Or one of many cases of spontaneous remission,
[04:46.586]Or a record-keeping glitch by the local physician.
[04:49.469]No, the only explanation for Sam’s mum’s seeing:
[04:52.235]They prayed to an all-knowing superbeing, to the omnipresent master of the universe-And he liked the sound of their muttered verse.
[04:59.774]So for a bit of a change from his usual stunt of
[05:02.731]Being a sexist, racist, murderous cunt,
[05:05.744]He popped down to Dandenong and just like that,
[05:08.258]Used his powers to heal the cataracts of Sam’s mum
[05:15.544]Of Sam’s mum!
[05:22.072]Thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum!
[05:27.034]I didn’t realize that it was such a simple thing, I feel such a dingaling, what ignorant scum!
[05:32.570]Now I understand how prayer can work:
[05:35.078]A particular prayer in a particular church in a particular style with a particular stuff and for particular problems that aren’t particularly tough, and for particular people, preferably white, for particular senses, preferably sight, a particular prayer in a particular spot, to a particular version of a particular god.
[05:53.860]And if you get that right,
[05:55.552]He just might take a break from giving babies malaria and pop down to your local area to fix the cataracts
[06:03.084]Of your mum!